Mother's Day

Oh, boy. This was a rough day for me.
It started out pleasant enough. Coffee with the nabe.. lol
I had a good morning chit-chatting with her.
SHE is a thoughtful person. I'm not her mom, but she still thought of me and gave me a really nice gift.
But, sadly as the day continued, I started thinking of my mom.
I miss her still so much and thinking of how normally I would be at her house all day, on this day.
I would try to find an unusual plant or flower that would make her smile.
We would eat and talk and spend the whole day together.
But, not this year.
I began to feel sorry myself. Weakness.
But, that brings to light all the things around me that make me unhappy.
So, I'll tell you what really ruined my day.
This may sound spoiled, but whatever.

First of all, if you knew me, you would know that I am not a person who needs material things.
I don't care about expensive gifts or things like that.
What really moves me are the little things.
So, yesterday. I asked(even though it would be nice to not have to ask every once in a while) John if he would go to the store this time. I am usually the one to go out and get drinks or pick up take out.
I thought, this being mother's day, that maybe for once, I could have someone "go and get" for me.
He chose to go to sleep. I asked if he planned on getting food or smokes,since we were out. He said ya, I'll go later.
So, about an hour later, I'm hungry, he's sleeping. I need cigarettes.
So, I remember what mom said, "If you want something done and no one will do it. Do it yourself."
(And that is why I always do for myself.)
So, I say "John, I'm going to Taco Bell, do you want anything?"
"no," he replies, "I'm good."
I leave, shutting the door just hard enought to wake him up.
He has to know that I'm upset, right?
Well, he gets mad at me. Ha! Typical. Because I'm apparently being a b****.
It baffles me that this man has no idea why I could possibly be upset.

Next thing.
My daughter had spent Saturday night with a friend. Not a problem.
What is a problem, is that all I hear from her at 8 am saying "Happy Mother's Day, Mom"
And not again for the rest of the day. Around 7 pm, I text her saying "Whenever you're done having fun, you might wanna come take care of your cat."
Ok, I'm hurt. My daughter and my husband made no effort to make me feel important or special on a day when it is required to make a mom feel special. You see?
The only person in my life that ever made an effort to let me know that I matter to them was my mom.
And she's gone.
After fighting with Riley, I basically broke down.
He came outside to see what the problem was and how could he help?
Ha!
I told him he couldn't help because he's part of the problem.
That I feel so alone all the time. The two people that are supposed to love me the most, show me the least kindness, the least attention, the least affection, the least appreciation.
I don't want much. I don't need much. Just a small gesture to show me that I matter. That I'm important.
That they need me and appreciate me and love me.
I'm not asking for jewelry or expensive things.
Go to the store and get me a coffee, a soda. Do something for me, so that I don't have to. ANYTHING.
Any small gesture would suffice.
But, alas, nothing.

So, ya, not a great day for me. I had a pity party and cried all night. Ah well.
Moving on.. Happy Monday!