Road map, please.

I'm feeling so lost these days. I really don't know where to go, what to do, how to feel.
It's so crazy and scary that one person can make such a difference in your life.
So much so, that when they are gone you have no idea how to go on without them.
Mom has been gone almost 2 yrs now and I still have no idea how to function without her.
My guiding light is gone.
Of course, I'm living. Day to day, hour by hour. But, I feel alone all the time.
I feel like I have no one. And if I did, I really have nothing to say.
I love to be out amongst people, I don't have to think about Mom or Dad. Worry about my sister, Riley or John. I can forget all the responsibilities that come with being grown up. I can get lost in the superficial talk of the crowd. Where nothing is personal or even relevant to my life. I can escape from who I am and what I need to do.
I feel like the safest, most comfortable place in the world is in my room alone.
Problem is that no one is there. And by staying there I am giving in. I don't want to give in.
I just want something to matter. I want something to mean something to some one.
Where do I go? What do I do? I don't want to go anywhere. I don't want to do anything.